Almost everyone is nervous before dates. Especially if you're shy or tend to be anxious, these nerves can lead to full blown anxiety meetings, which can be crippling. The days and hours before the date can be filled anxiety, and you can even avoid dating at all if it is too intense. But concerns about appointments should not keep meeting people and have good dates.
Based on cognitive behavioral therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy, I have listed some of the most common concerns of dating, and how to begin to address these concerns in a new way:
"I'm embarrassed."
You worry that you can reverse or drop something (I personally have a tendency to drop the forks when I'm nervous) with an embarrassed silence, or answer an embarrassing situation (such as running or in an old photo). The first thing to recognize is that these mistakes can happen and it will not make or break your day. You can also try using the acceptance to deal with shame. Acceptance is the idea that you can not change what already exists; You acknowledge that you will have many experiences as you go through quotes - fun, cause anxiety and embarrassment. And you can control your emotions and avoid happening. Instead, you can change your reaction when it occurs. Instead of pushing (or if you want to hide!), Just accept that it is normal to take place. Shame can occur, but is only a brief moment in time, and move beyond.
"I can not deal with all the uncertainty."
A new date brings uncertainty. Would you like each other? Do you embrace or kiss goodbye? Who will pay the bill? When will you know if the date is over? If you say you want to see again? For me, when I'm alone couple, who had great anxiety about paying the bill. I knew most of the guys offered to pay, but I do not want to offend them by not offering to split the bill. My husband is now clear to me that our first appointment was his gift. This is an example of how you can eliminate some uncertainties to date easier. Another example is that if you like the person, do not be afraid to say you had a good time. That said, it is virtually impossible to eliminate uncertainty. This is where you learn to observe your thoughts and the need for security, and not have to act on them, can be so useful. You can learn to be more flexible and embrace the unknown. Uncertainty does not always have to be scary; unknown can provide excitement, fun and romance.
"My concern is shown."
If you are prone to physical symptoms when you're nervous, you may worry that their symptoms (such as sweating, flushing, or trembling) showed. This concern can be distracting and take you to engage with your date. While your instinct may be to watch you to see if the symptom is degraded (I blush? She noticed I blushing?) The truth is that good control of their symptoms tend to worsen. Instead of focusing on what you do not want to happen, try to divert attention from what you want to bring a date. Try to focus your attention outward instead of inside. This could include a focus on listening to your date, ask questions, share a story about yourself, or just smiling and allowing you to enjoy yourself.
"I will be judged."
You may be worried that your date does not like the way you look, or going to be critical of what you say. First, recognize that if someone is critical, mean, or hard on yourself, which actually reflects the type of person they are; not you or your thoughtful features. Another way to strengthen you, lest judgment is self-pity. Self-pity is to have fun with kindness, understanding, care, and forgiveness. Having self-pity can not care the trial to a date, as it helps to really accept and love who you are. When you love yourself, are you sure what you have to offer. The judgments of others are less important.
"I'll be rejected."
Another concern is that you will be rejected in some way; date may not appear, he or she could not return his feelings, or they might not want to leave. To help reduce the anxiety about rejection, remember that all dates will be working on. Rejection is a part of the game, and it happens to everyone. It may hurt, but generally the bite seems fairly quickly. You can help reduce the sting of rejection can not build too far; not build or make your whole week revolves around one day. Then remember that it is a situation that goes back to 50/50; both are responsible to contribute positively to the date (which are not all on your shoulders to do it well!). Similarly, a portion of the meeting is to both of you to decide whether you can be a good fit or if you want to see us. If the answer is no, it does not mean it's because none of you judge each other badly needed; simply could not be a good match.
"I will not be good enough."
You may be afraid that you will be bored or not having enough to say that day to help. You may worry that you will not be smart enough or attractive enough. People who are concerned that they are not good enough often severe inner voice criticism. To counter this, start by monitoring your thoughts for the day. Mark your thoughts as "judgment," "critical" or "hard" when such thoughts are observed. Then make an effort to give its approval. It is natural to seek validation from others, but the only way you can be truly free to need the approval of others is sufficient for yourself. Learn to accept the unique qualities about yourself that your friends and family love; these things in a future partner loves you. And finally, the next step is the practice of appointment; More dates exposed, the more you get to practice your skills as dating flirting, listening, sharing and having good conversations. Helps develop the confidence you need to succeed in dating.
My Website : http://d1ting.blogspot.com/
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